I'm no veteran of any sort of 'scene' - just a woman with a lot of thoughts, some of them (alright, a lot of them) relating to sex and kink. So, I don't pretend to know a ton about anything beyond my own personal experience, and conversations I've had or witnessed. However, a topic on a particular spanking board I frequent got me thinking about the dynamics in a spanko relationship - who is getting satisfaction, and why, and how?
The starter of this topic seemed to have the impression that it was mainly the 'bottoms' of a spanko relationship who derived pleasure from the activity, which of course may be true in some places and very untrue in others. Testimonies from people who recieve spankings from partners who don't enjoy the activity (or don't enjoy it to the same degree) are often less enthusiastic than those with partners who match in kink. Clearly, there needs to be reciprocation, there needs to be connection on the same level for either player to really enjoy themselves.
I was lucky enough to introduce my love for spanking to a man who turned out to be as crazy about it as I am. If I hadn't, I know that I would either have had an unfulfulling sex life with him, or have sought elsewhere for love and lust.* I have made relationship decisions in the past that involved consideration of kink levels.
Isn't this sort of the same as love? If one person loves another, but is not recieving the same amount of love, that person will be unfulfilled and therefore unhappy. It isn't even enough to be happy yourself, though, or to feel as if you are being loved as much as you love. The dynamics must match - in spanking, in lust, in whatever - for the fulfillment of both partners.
Which makes me think that humans aren't as self-centered as they are made out to be.
*Although I can't help but think that I wouldn't really have loved him anyway, if he wasn't the sort of person who was wild enough the perfectly match my needs. Oh, but lust is complicated.